Letter #16


You seemed to stop gaining weight little girl and Dr. Johnson became concerned.  AS a result, rather than getting your six week shots, we had to take you to get blood work.  Lily I can honestly tell you that that was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.  I had to hold you against me with your arm out, as they stuck a large needle in your arm and drew a HUGE amount of blood.  You screamed like I’ve never heard you scream.  When that happened I felt like the needle was being stuck straight into my heart.  Then, as we waited for the result, I started having terrible thoughts about words you don’t ever want to hear swirl through your mind.  I couldn’t help it, and it was terrible.  Through all this, I learned, for the first time, how helpless it feels when your child is sick or hurt.  It was awful.  I haven’t had a situation like that with your mom in the over 13 years that we’ve been together.  Your birth was the first thing close, but since you were coming as well, it was different.

This experience taught me first-hand about the complexities and the darker side of love.  Without love I would never have felt such terrible emotions.  At the same time, though, without love, I would never experience the kind of joy that you and Lauren bring to my life.  I guess I’ll have to get used to the painful side of love, because I am not willing to give up the joy!

We love you Lil.’  Fortunately, the results of the blood test was fine, and the lack of weight gain is attributed to something else – probably relax – but we’ll have to wait until later in the week to find out.


Your Father

Monday, August 29, 2011

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